The Sandbox Theory

A trend that I have come to realize with women is that the age old adage of women wanting what they can’t have is slightly askew.  It seems that more of the evidence suggests that the foundation for this principal isn’t that they can’t have something and therefore want it; but rather that somebody else wants it, so they want it too.  The “can’t have” part is just a byproduct of society’s rules on dating.   

We have all heard of the little boy and his friend in the sandbox who has no interest in playing with the truck, until his friend does, and then it’s the most important thing in life.  We always picture this scene with a little boy, and never a little girl.  Women are far worse at this in my observations, especially when it comes to men.  This also explains why men in relationships seem to have women coming out of the woodwork to flirt with them, but the same single man gets no attention.  Perhaps it is that women compare themselves to other women more than men do. They feel the need to compete, and if he is good enough to be with that girl, then she must find out if she can do the same.

In my early twenties, I worked in an office with a few hundred people, most of them young.  It was a call center type of atmosphere, but paid better.  I ended up hooking up with one or two of the midrange talent within a few months of working there.  I was always a very nice guy, very extroverted and funny, so soon word got around quickly that I was a “player”.  I really didn’t thing this was true, as I really hadn’t done much “playing” in order to sleep with them.  I hadn’t pursued or actually sought them out, it just happened.  But the strangest thing started happening; more and more girls who worked there, actually called me out on it, but still kept coming around; more so than before.  It seemed counter intuitive to me and at first had no idea what was going on, but quickly realized that all these women were actually more attracted to me!  I must have gone through nearly 20 of them in my short career there, and absolutely every one of them told me they were warned about me, yet all initiated contact.

Now, I want to rewind a bit to one of the strangest examples of this theory I have encountered. It was on my 19th birthday, I was out at the bar celebrating with my friends.  An older (to me she seemed older, but probably late 20’s, but no more than 30) woman came up to me and said that her friend thought I was cute and wanted to meet me.  I obliged and separated from the heard of drunken bros to her table.  We sat and chatted for some time, I believe we even danced a few songs and it seemed like it was going my way.  A few friends came by to the table where we were sitting and wished me a happy birthday, to which I thanked them and returned to the adoring stare of the sexy older woman across from me.  She looked pleasantly surprised and asked how old I was today.  Without missing a beat, I returned with “nineteen”.  The look on her face has stuck with me to this day as she slowly got up and walked away.  I laughed it off and went back to my friends and didn’t think of it again….until one day.

We love Facebook. It makes it so easy to connect with people you may be interested in, have met once at a party and didn’t get to chat them up…or even random hot people who have mutual friends.  10 years or so after my nineteenth birthday, I got a friend request from a very hot 18 year old.  Did she click on the wrong person? Mistake me for someone else?  So I sent her a quick note after accepting her request and asked how I knew her.  At the time, I worked with a few good friends and was bragging up the fact that this hot 18 year old just added me as a friend.  Felt pretty good….until I got her reply. “You don’t know me, but you know my mom.”  Ouch.  Now I know you have put 2 and 2 together already, but I didn’t have the luxury of recapping my nineteenth birthday five minutes before, so it took me longer.  I asked how I knew her mother, thinking that it was some old gal I worked with before.  My friends were already in hysterics at this reply and my deflated ego.  She simply said: “oh you met her, about 10 years ago…LOL”.  It was the LOL that gave it away…I looked closer at her picture and she was the spit and image of her mother.

Just when I thought this was game over for me, she kept chatting.  I eventually invited her to dinner at my place and she accepted.  We banged that night.  We dated for a few months before the novelty wore off and things fizzled.  But what in the world would possess a girl to sleep with a guy because her mother at one point wanted to?  Freud would have a field day with this scenario for sure.  Needless to say, her mother was not happy we were dating and refused to meet me.  Still, this is one of my favorite stories to tell.

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