Monthly Archives: March 2012

The Teammate

The place I currently work is a high end sales job, which would typically mean that the amount of females might be scarce, and that would be true in this case as well.  It is your typical boys club atmosphere, regular team outings to the bar with an open tab, inappropriate jokes and pranks…the typical stuff.  Things took an interesting turn when several very attractive ladies were hired, for what reason we still don’t truly know, but none are complaining.  It became quickly apparent that these young girls got along with our antics and fit in well, as they had all previously worked at bartending or waitress jobs and were used to “the boys”.  

At a recent team outing for a night of all expenses paid booze fest, one of the young ladies in question, with whom I have had very limited interaction with due to her being in a relationship, came and chatted with me.  I reciprocated and we continued downing shot after drink, not always in that order.  Toward the end of the night after much witty banter, she simply looked at me and asked me to go to my place…right now.  Without hesitation I escorted her out and caught the first cab. In the cab she was all over me, sitting on my seat cowgirl style and wasting no time.  We got inside the door and before I could give her the ever so brief tour she had me on the bed, and was already undressing.  Needless to say it was a good time.

We had to work the next day, but it wasn’t expected by our boss to be in the finest form, nor be on time.  We stumbled in around 10, after I drove her home to get changed and make herself somewhat presentable.  What I didn’t realize is that the entire team had watched us quickly sneak out the night before and made their assumptions already.  Nobody said much, but they knew.  We didn’t talk much that day, mostly due to the hangover and lack of sleep, but she did say that she has never cheated before and felt very bad.  I took this as a bad sign.  I sign that this is where the train stopped for me. However, over the next week we chatted, flirted at work discretely, she sent me an invite to her birthday party, and she went so far as to say that if she was single, she would be all over it and how fun our lunch hours would be.  She texted me a bit tipsy late last Saturday, but declined my invitation to meet up.

So today I stopped flirting.  I gave minimal responses to her emails and chats and when she asked if I was still coming to her birthday party, (to which her bf will be attending) I responded with “which one of your cute friends are you going to hook me up with?”  She gave an excuse that her friends were either crazy or hooked up already…which is what I expected.  I am going to see how this works out, but in order to revive our one time rendezvous, I am going to have to play this aloof.  Stay tuned.

The Sandbox Theory

A trend that I have come to realize with women is that the age old adage of women wanting what they can’t have is slightly askew.  It seems that more of the evidence suggests that the foundation for this principal isn’t that they can’t have something and therefore want it; but rather that somebody else wants it, so they want it too.  The “can’t have” part is just a byproduct of society’s rules on dating.   

We have all heard of the little boy and his friend in the sandbox who has no interest in playing with the truck, until his friend does, and then it’s the most important thing in life.  We always picture this scene with a little boy, and never a little girl.  Women are far worse at this in my observations, especially when it comes to men.  This also explains why men in relationships seem to have women coming out of the woodwork to flirt with them, but the same single man gets no attention.  Perhaps it is that women compare themselves to other women more than men do. They feel the need to compete, and if he is good enough to be with that girl, then she must find out if she can do the same.

In my early twenties, I worked in an office with a few hundred people, most of them young.  It was a call center type of atmosphere, but paid better.  I ended up hooking up with one or two of the midrange talent within a few months of working there.  I was always a very nice guy, very extroverted and funny, so soon word got around quickly that I was a “player”.  I really didn’t thing this was true, as I really hadn’t done much “playing” in order to sleep with them.  I hadn’t pursued or actually sought them out, it just happened.  But the strangest thing started happening; more and more girls who worked there, actually called me out on it, but still kept coming around; more so than before.  It seemed counter intuitive to me and at first had no idea what was going on, but quickly realized that all these women were actually more attracted to me!  I must have gone through nearly 20 of them in my short career there, and absolutely every one of them told me they were warned about me, yet all initiated contact.

Now, I want to rewind a bit to one of the strangest examples of this theory I have encountered. It was on my 19th birthday, I was out at the bar celebrating with my friends.  An older (to me she seemed older, but probably late 20’s, but no more than 30) woman came up to me and said that her friend thought I was cute and wanted to meet me.  I obliged and separated from the heard of drunken bros to her table.  We sat and chatted for some time, I believe we even danced a few songs and it seemed like it was going my way.  A few friends came by to the table where we were sitting and wished me a happy birthday, to which I thanked them and returned to the adoring stare of the sexy older woman across from me.  She looked pleasantly surprised and asked how old I was today.  Without missing a beat, I returned with “nineteen”.  The look on her face has stuck with me to this day as she slowly got up and walked away.  I laughed it off and went back to my friends and didn’t think of it again….until one day.

We love Facebook. It makes it so easy to connect with people you may be interested in, have met once at a party and didn’t get to chat them up…or even random hot people who have mutual friends.  10 years or so after my nineteenth birthday, I got a friend request from a very hot 18 year old.  Did she click on the wrong person? Mistake me for someone else?  So I sent her a quick note after accepting her request and asked how I knew her.  At the time, I worked with a few good friends and was bragging up the fact that this hot 18 year old just added me as a friend.  Felt pretty good….until I got her reply. “You don’t know me, but you know my mom.”  Ouch.  Now I know you have put 2 and 2 together already, but I didn’t have the luxury of recapping my nineteenth birthday five minutes before, so it took me longer.  I asked how I knew her mother, thinking that it was some old gal I worked with before.  My friends were already in hysterics at this reply and my deflated ego.  She simply said: “oh you met her, about 10 years ago…LOL”.  It was the LOL that gave it away…I looked closer at her picture and she was the spit and image of her mother.

Just when I thought this was game over for me, she kept chatting.  I eventually invited her to dinner at my place and she accepted.  We banged that night.  We dated for a few months before the novelty wore off and things fizzled.  But what in the world would possess a girl to sleep with a guy because her mother at one point wanted to?  Freud would have a field day with this scenario for sure.  Needless to say, her mother was not happy we were dating and refused to meet me.  Still, this is one of my favorite stories to tell.

And so it begins….

I started reading blogs myself a few years ago.  The subject was rather specific and suggested to me by a friend, who was searching for similar advice, yet to this day it seems to escape him.  The topic of my first blog reading experience was on  the art of Game.  I recognize this word has many different meanings in relative context, but in its current, singular form, it simply means ones ability to do well at getting/keeping women.

I have always done ok with women.  I truly never went without either a girlfriend or a steady stream of poon in the off seasons, so at first my reaction to the idea of reading about it was dismissive.  My thoughts on “how to pick up women advice” were images of books written by doctors or psychiatrists, and would be the stereotypical dribble that everyone knows but nobody seems to be able to put into practice.   Books that I pictured complete losers who have never had a date would swallow their pride, quietly pick up from a book store and endure the smirks and giggles from the cute girls at checkout, just to have a chance at a life.

I started to read them at the dire request of my friend, who convinced me it was the most entertaining and enlightening thing he had read in his life.  The posts were misogynistic to me at first.  Going against my thoughts on women and how they were to be handled.  Many of my best friends are women (more on that later) and I had always honestly thought that I had game, and this certainly wasn’t it.  Much of what I read bordered on mentally abusive to me at that time, and I certainly wasn’t going to give any credit to the author on his direction.  But I read it…daily.  Each post seemed to have a similar theme to the last and after only a few short posts, a pattern was clear…and then it started to make sense in the bigger picture as much as I hated to admit it.

I would certainly give you the shortened version of what I discovered, however, like me, it wont make sense at first.  Research has to be done as to why, personal triumphs and failures with women had to be reexamined and parallels drawn.  You essentially have to be open to the idea that you are not as good as you think you are, which is tough, and that how you perceived your relationships, might not have been how it really was.  I look back now, and in retrospect, I had nothing other than looks driving my success.  I had no game.

The good news for many healthy 20-somes, is that you really can get laid on your looks alone.  Game really isn’t that important for getting into a woman’s bed when you don’t need to say a word for an invitation.  With many young girls these days willing to spread apart like well oiled scissors, its no wonder that men simply don’t have to focus much in order to satisfy their instinctual desires.  The trick, however is making sure that those scissors stay well oiled and also stay in your tool box for when you want them.  I can attest to being with many, many women; but being with only a handful more than once, despite my pursuant attempts.

My story and the purpose of this blog begins here.  I am now 32, and have spent the last 4 years in a relationship which ended recently.  I had fun reading and learning about Game, and all the secrets it holds, and until now was not able/willing to put it to practice.  The light bulb moment for me, was looking back at my relationship, and how I allowed her to treat me.  I was a beta male, in an alpha shell.  She was a girl who somewhere along the way lost respect and resented me for it, which seemed to get worse and worse each day. Despite my best effort at restoring the balance, I lost.  I didn’t know it at the time, or even for a while after, but then it clicked in.  The bad part of that is that I wasted that much time drawing out a shitty relationship that should have been over the moment she lost respect for me.  The good part; I recognize how I lost my edge and a good chunk of my metaphorical sack and within a few short months, my life did a 180 and I feel on top of the world again.  I honestly wouldn’t even give her a “for old times sake” throw if she offered.  That makes me smile.

For now, I will leave you with one of my favorite posts to get you started.  Periodically I will share stories, thoughts and freshly learned life lessons on my new found freedom.  This is not going to be another blog on how to game, but rather one guys journey to become great at it.